Attacked by a Fat Middle-aged Lesbian :(
@ Counter-Strike Source (English) forum

Believe it or not, this is not a troll post.

For the last two weeks my disgusting blob of a landlady has been harassing me with multiple texts every day asking me to move out, asking me to move in with my parents or family or something to get out. Telling me sob stories about how she is desperate for money and my refusal to pay increased rent (she wanted to put it up £50 after being there for less than four months) was causing her financial hardship. So the stupid bitch decided that it would be a good idea to rent her own bedroom out (the one she sleeps in) in anticipation of my leaving soon.

So for the last few days she was increasing her textual harassment to 3-5 times a day. Texting me while I am at work and crying about how she is "homeless" because she rented her own room out (she owns 2.5 houses, one of which is a 5 bedroomed country house which is currently occupied by one person (her nan), the other is a three bedroomed house occupied by her girlfriend!).

On Sunday I had had enough, she was sending me increasingly aggressive messages and I was sick of it, so I pointed out to her that by law I had until 25th Dec which was a month after she told me she wanted me to vacate. I also politely asked her to stop harassing me. The response I got to that was "don't dictate to me, ever, my house my rules, you are a disgusting pig to live with" and a random string of other nonsensical insults. I thought this was rich coming from the woman who lets her four annoying rat dogs shit all over the garden, the path and also locks them in the house all day where they shit and piss all over the hall and kitchen floor. She has the cheek to call me a pig because I had a small pile of dishes (four plates) unwashed in my room when she went in (without my permission and in my absence). Whatever, anyway at this point I decided to tell her what I thought of her. I told her that I hated her and her retarded dogs and her mouthy wench of a girlfriend and that I genuinely hoped they would all die in some sort of horrible accident. I told her that if she continued to push me I would snap, and that would be bad.

An hour later I hear this almighty crash and then the walrus herself comes waddling into the house, her varicose-veiny, tree-trunks shaking the house like a small earthquake, the solid stone floor groaning and protesting at having to bear such a ridiculous weight. The gluttonous walking advert for E45 cream & "Sure for elephants" deodorant bellowed my name in her manly voice. "VINI!" the hideous human jelly cried. "VINIIIIIII!!!" the alarming waste of everyone's oxygen screamed. I quickly get up from my computer and braced myself behind the door, and sure enough a few seconds later the 250-300lb mammoth brought the full force of her gelatinous arse to bear upon the poor unsuspecting door. The wood creaked and groaned, the frame rattled and paint came off, but with me bracing it from the other side with all my strength it held.

The following twenty minutes involved her slinging abuse at me (from outside the the door) and me kindly suggesting that she leave me alone and do something else (preferably die in a fire). It became apparent that she had completely lost it and I was actually starting to wonder if she had a weapon or something. She kept telling me she had this "plan" to get rid of me and her "plan" would solve her problems once and for all and her ingenious, cunning "plan" would rid her of me forever.

So I called the police.

To cut a long story short they came, she was escorted away and told that if she came back this evening she would be arrested for breach of the peace.

So I call work and tell them I wont be in on Monday as I need to get my shit out of that house. I then frantically search around for somewhere else to go. I line up some viewings of house shares and go and do them. The last one I look at is really cool, sharing in a nice house with a young couple and I can move in tomorrow (Monday). Happy to have got that sorted I arranged for a lock-up to store the majority of my stuff and arranged for a van to hire to move it.

So Monday rolls around and my dad, mum and brother help me pack and while my brother and mum are packing I get the van with my dad (so he can drive my car back). We start packing everything from my room and the kitchen and transferring it to my car and the van. Stuff going to the new house in the car, lock-up stuff in the van. Then I get a text. The guy who's house I was meant to me moving into had changed his mind at the very last minute - he and his girlfriend had decided to spend Christmas alone together before renting the room out. The bastard.

So this left me homeless with half my gear loaded into a van and a car. We carried on loading the stuff figuring I need to get it out of where it is and get it in the lock-up. I would have to sleep on my mum's couch until I get something sorted.

As we are loading I am drying my last load of washing in the dryer that is in the shed. The brother of the malicious, lard-infused, carpet-muncher comes along and tells me he is going to take my wet clothes out of the dryer so he can dry his nana's clothes. I told him that he must be joking as I live here and pay rent, am in the process of moving out and am drying my last load of clothes. His nana can wait. He disagreed and told me that he would take my clothes out in 15 minutes. I advised him that if he touched my clothes I would knock him out and then took a step forward having immediately decided to do it pre-emptively anyway. He shook his head and retreated rather quickly before I got to take my second step.

So we carry on loading my shit into the van, which is by now almost full. I decide to load my other car up with my computer and clothes and a couple of other things and start doing that. As we are almost finished the hideous, stinking descendent of Jabba-the-Hut waddles into the house and immediately starts mouthing off.

I put up with this for all of about thirty seconds and then I snapped.

The red mist descended and I completely lost my temper. I flew at the bloated troll with the intention of actually killing her. My mum and brother just about managed to restrain me enough for the skanky fat bitch to move out into the hall. In the meantime I have decided that I am literally going to kill her and start looking around for a weapon with which to accomplish this in short order. The only thing to hand was a pair of screw drivers which I picked up and then attempted to break through the brother/mother barrier to poke holes and release the flow of gravy that I am convinced would have spurted out of the huge balding beast. Thwarted again by my mother and brother I threw them at her. The stupid fucking cow still didn't realise that I had completely lost it and that if I could get to her, she would die. She stood there gaping at me with her horrid slack jowls flobbering about.

This time my mother and brother didn't quite manage to restrain me and I got through long enough to drag the horrific mess out of the house by main force. My restraints then caught up and put themselves between me and her again, and all I could do was claw at her face before she retreated enough that she was out of my sight.

A short while later the police showed up, for the second time in two days.

To cut another long story short, I had to insure my other car to drive it away, but they let me go and I and my family left with all my stuff. Spent most of the night transferring it all into the lock-up and then went to my mum's house, exhausted.

That was yesterday. Today has been filled with taking my dad to hospital (I accidentally injured his foot when he tried to stop me getting to Jabba's brother), taking my car to get tax, taking the VAN back to the hire place, taking my other car to the MOT station, paying for and sorting out all the paperwork for the lockup and looking for somewhere to live.

Sitting here, writing this, has reminded me that I really, really do want her to die and the rage inside me has not subsided in the least. I am sitting here grinding my teeth and I keep having to take my hands away from the keyboard as they involuntarily clench into fists. I feel like at any moment I will get in my car, drive to her house and end her miserable existence.

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I am posting from my mum's couch on her computer. Until I get somewhere to stay sorted I am without my PC and will be unable to play or anything. So to the people who are interested in joining my team, I will get this sorted ASAP and will let you know when I am back 'online'.

Vini Holden // ViniH Posted 1 month ago: Tue, 02 Dec 2008 22:26:04 +0000

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