Michael McGhee loves lists, so much so that every article he writes from this point on will be in list form, uniformed, ordered and of course, debatable.

Embarrassing [?m?bær?s??] - Causing one to feel confusion or self-consciousness; disconcerting

Remember that time where you were sat down, watching some sordid porn and just about to get down to business when your parents walk in to ask you a question? Just me then.. Anyway, you know the feeling that you get when something like that happens, it sucks doesn't it? It's almost like someone has a grip on your stomach and is twisting and poking ferociously, like a kid trying to open a Christmas present. As you sit there, blood rushing to your head - causing your skin to turn as pink as Paris Hiltons handbag - you begin to wish that you could just disappear, sadly though you can't and you must suffer the pain of embarrassment.

It can happen in any walk of life and when it does it's never pleasant, Ryan Giggs is probably feeling it right now after the media decided to invade his entire life and dig up every last secret he has, hell it even happens in e-sports. Yes there have been some delightfully embarrassing moments down the years, especially at LAN events and after the popularity (if I dare use that word) of the last piece I published I felt it would be a bit of fun to go through the most cripplingly disconcerting moments LAN has ever seen.

10: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No.. It's Supe.. Ah it is a bird

For casual gamers LAN is merely a place to gather and share stories with fellow players, have some drinks and play some games before heading home with an almighty hangover. For competitive players though it's a place to show the world what you can do, a place where you have the opportunity to win thousands of pounds and a place where your career is made of broken. As such it can be a stressful experience for those playing at the top level, and it's difficult to keep that stress from entering into the game.

The utmost concentration is required to perform at peek levels and as such, when something happens to break that concentration it can prove incredibly costly. Take Henry 'HenryG' Greer as an example. He was a player who had worked his way up from the very early days of the game to eventually earn a spot in the CGS, playing alongside London Mint. Throughout the i34 CS:S tournament him and his team were in unstoppable form, blowing away the competition en route to the lower bracket final, yet when up against k1ck - the Portuguese team which featured the then young and inexperienced Carlos 'dumbazo' Dumbazo - they began to show signs of weakness.

A pleasant surprise..

With the Portuguese pushing them hard and the pressure on the most unlikely in incidents occurred as Henry was mercilessly shit on by a rogue bird (reportedly of Iberian descent). The waste from the bird was sprayed all over the players mouse and mousemat causing him to dig out a replacement before continuing whilst his team, and the many spectators had a good old chuckle. There is an old superstition that being shit on by a bird is good luck, one than Henry and his team might have a right to believe as after the incident his team went on to secure a spot in the lower bracket final against fellow CGS side Birmingham Salvo.

The incident has scarred Henry for life and even to this day he plays with a makeshift shelter around his set-up, just in case his nemesis returns.

9: It's alright guys I have a nad.. Ah fucks sake.

Ahhh Jack 'Callisto' Mason, forever remembered as two things, that dude who almost beat Reason Gaming in the grand final of i37, and that guy who killed two of his teammates - in arguably the biggest game of his CS:S career - with a single grenade. Before we get into it lets set the scene. Guns 4 Hire were coming into i33 off the back of an extremely tough to take defeat at iG5 - we all remember the crazycat fake defuse incident, right?. Despite suffering some gutting defeats they were considered one of the best teams in the country and realistically the only English side who could cause problems for the two CGS teams.

As the i33 tournament progressed it became apparent that g4h were on a collision course with arch rivals London Mint, the team who had beaten them at iG5. Preparation is key when faced with a challenge and in the build up to i33 the team were well prepared, however after some mind games from Tom 'url' Chenery the teams caller Tom 'beta' Hanna - an ex London Mint player himself - had made the bold move to change all of the teams strats just minutes before the match.

Things didn't start too well for the team and they lost the pistol round on the T side of de_inferno. With nobody really knowing what to do they were relying on a moment of magic from one of their players to create an opening in the match, however any chance of that happening was blown away (quite literally) on the first gun round of the match. Callisto had run to banana early but was caught in a tough situation when pushed by two London Mint players. In a moment of blind panic he chose to unleash what will forever be remembered as the worst nade in the history of the game.

Callisto, he seems to have recovered from the incident.

Spectators watched on in horror as it clipped the wall and landed at the feet of his teammates Nat 'tils' Tilsley and George 'hudzG' Hoskins, blowing them to pieces. It was the defining moment of the players career and before the match was even over Tom 'beta' Hanna was talking about kicking him, with the teams heads in the toilet they were duly rolled by London Mint and knocked out of the tournament. A shame really as they had potential.

8: Proved myself lads.

There are players down the years who have had the weight of the community on their shoulders, each and every spectator waiting for them to come up with the goods in matches when it matters most. Believe it or not one of those players was Tom 'beta' Hanna, a man who's name seems to be popping up quite often in this piece. Having represented a number of top teams down the years, including r3, Zboard and Auxilia - a team who had been impressing a lot in the run-up to the CGS draft - he had split the community in two, on one side supporters and on the other detractors.

In the build up to the CGS Combine one of the UK's best sides, 4kings, were left in a difficult situation due to Richard 'ritch' Gibbs' strange decision to step down from the team. The team chose to replace the departed ritch with Tom 'beta' Hanna and were soon after picked up by the London Mint organisation. The community were critical of their decision to recruit beta given the wealth of talent in the UK scene and his apparent inability to perform against the best.

At the teams first major event together after joining London Mint - i33 - they performed well, beta included to secure a spot in the grand final of the tournament, up against the mighty mixed European lineup of Reason Gaming. In the final he played a part in his teams comfortable win over their opponents, seeing them crowned i-series champions.

What's embarrassing about that? I can hear you asking.

Well the embarrassment didn't come until after the match, during a brief interview with Jay Atkins. After having some words with Reason Gaming he approached beta on stage and asked what he thinks about the match, to which the player responded:

Proved myself lads!

The statement brought on fits of laughter from the watching crowd, soon followed by shouts of "NICE ONE BETAAAAAAA". The spectators continued to heckle as Tom sank into his chair, experiencing the very feeling mentioned earlier in this piece.

7: Don't worry guys, I know how to not get blind..

Ahh flashbangs, you'll be the killers of us all. Speaking from personal experience nothing annoys me more than be killed by someone whilst blind. It's like the guy who will stab you in the back rather than fight you face to face, the flashbang is like a way to cover up how bad a player you are. If only we could get rid of them this game would be a whole lot better, eh?

Trust the Germans to come up with a way to do just that. A nation slated for years about being cheaters and onliners; they really don't make it easy on themselves. I am of course referring to the "Alt Tab" incident which pretty much single handedly killed the credibility of Alternate aTTax, and the German scene. The team were one of the few German sides who actually attended international events, their first major one would be the SGHOpen in Denmark back in 2007.

Alt+Tab Julian

At the event were some of the biggest and best European CS:S teams including aAa, RL:R, Insignia Cadre, Logitech.fi and fnatic. The Germans managed to surprise the rest of the European scene with some superb performances on their way to the lower bracket finals, where they found themselves up against Finnish side Logitech.fi. During their match with the Fins things seemed to be going swimmingly until it was made apparent that they weren't quite playing by the rules. You see in the early days of the game their was a bug which allowed players to remove the effect of flashbangs by simply Alt+Tabbing, an exploit that was used by the Germans during that match.

When it came to the attention of the admins Team Alternate were swiftly disqualified from the tournament and stripped of their prize money, bringing shame upon the organisation and the players. After some discussion between the admins they chose to re-instate Alternate in third place, deciding to instead deduct 3 rounds from their match against the Fins - meaning they lost out overall. Much has changed since then but it seems like the Alternate organisation haven't learned their lesson (they picked up kRYSTAL for crying out loud!).

6: Charity starts at home.. Or Aleski's dad's home at least.

Charity is one of the biggest businesses in the world. After all there's always someone more needy than yourselves, right? When giving to charity it doesn't always need to be given to poor African folks, there are people even in the Western world who need some help now and then, even British CS:S teams.. Take for example the English side who flew out to Outpost On Fire 2009. You see, they had been touted as possible dark horses for the event, and for good reason.

Sway Gaming, backed by the 'millionaire' Simon 'm4d4ms' Adams were tipped as possible dark horses for the tournament in Belgium. The team consisted of CS:S stalwarts such as Ollie 'crazycat' Netherton and Louis 'macky' McErlane, joined by up and comer Phil 'Tucker' Hynes and 1.6 duo Will 'redH' Manson and Alex' AlesKi' Way. The team were prepared for the tournament having practiced for the weeks building up however their plans and preparations were thrown into disarray shortly after touching down in Antwerp.

You see, the team were sponsored by a man who claimed to have featured on the British TV program "Secret Millionaire", little did they know that he was merely a waiter at a restaurant who just so happened to receive much more tips than he had expected. Upon touching down in Belgium they discovered that not only did they have no expenses but their hotel hadn't been booked. Shortly after the revelation they chose to change their team name to charity, a piss take of their dire situation.

The team didn't let their poverty get to them.. So Fucking Rad.

Had it not been for the kindness of the much loved and enigmatic character Nordy - along with some help from Alex 'AlesKI' Way's father - they would have been forced to sleep on the street, eating nothing but dead birds and beatles for the duration of their stay. Not too embarrassing for the team sure, but the escapade meant that their former manager could no longer show his face in the e-sports scene. Some say he still lurks around, others say he doesn't have the time after his promotion to house waiter.. All we know is that he'll most likely never venture into e-sports again, thank god.

Tune in next week for the second part in the series, right here on Cadred.org.