The rundown

I came online today and im told that i am not a part of r3 anymore, came as a bit of a shock to me as i had a good time in the team with crazycat and shivers, we had a good LAN together and got on well... had one disagreement with crazycat in a pcw but meh, which team doesn't? disagreed with a few calls ingame made by our new caller beta and was generally unhappy with the way we was performing in this particular game and instead of waiting until after game decided to have a little whine in-game, the wrong thing to do! coupled with my racism over a few forum threads in a rage which annoyed our management and some bitching on irc to a few people it all amounted to my removal from r3 gaming over a 24 hour period.

Are my annoyed?

a little annoyed, i enjoyed playing with the team i even cut my rage down to an absolute zero for well over a month, including i30 (apart from those chav's at burger king, sorry about that if your reading haha) and also the games afterwards (anyone who had pld with me before hand will know that i rage at everything and it ruined not only myself but everyone around me) i felt this was an achievement on my part as its hard to go from one extreme to the other, but i done it for the better of the team and i felt i had improved as a player from doing so, then i messed up bringing crazycats moral down and my teams and it felt like we had hit rock bottom, i really had shot myself in the foot and i wish it hadn't happened but it had and we all move on.

What will i do now

well i think im going to be taking gaming a little less serious from now on, what with my ex-partner expecting 2 children (twin jafros!) and the summer coming, its made me realise that i dont want to be stuck infront of my computer day and night, playing my ass off in pcw after pcw with only winning in my mentality and making it yet another summer of gaming. I was sat on the beach with a girl and some friends and i thought back to my house at my gaming desk and imagined myself sitting there raging at the screen, i actually felt like hitting myself over the head with a pebble and telling myself to wise up! Gaming has taken over my life for the last 6-8 years and although i have enjoyed a lot of it and met hundreds of cool guys over a variety of games, it has infact stopped me from socialising properly and turned me into a right asshole to some people on the internet, i have to be honest. One of the planet6 guys said to me not long ago that I had changed and the comment he made had really hit home after meeting them guys on LAN and realising what a nice bunch of guys they were. Winning and being good had taken over the fun aspect of the game for me and it was all about competition. When i got to LAN and i could socialise with most of the people i play with and against it really made me wonder why i had been so competitive online and not just treated this as a game, quite an upsetting thought really. Its also going to be tough supporting one child these days, two has really come as bit of a shock.

What team will I join?

well im not really looking for a team, if something comes along and someone needs a player then i am more than willing to put a bit of effort in and help them and do my best for them but i am ideally looking for a bit of fun. I have been speaking to some friends from quake and enemy territory and am thinking about going back to that but who knows, the options are endless, dont be surprised if i disappear! (i cant see this happening hehe)

conclusion

This is pretty much the end of my blog (or baffling on i bet some of you are thinking) so just want to say a big sorry to anyone who i have raged at, name-called, bitched, whined, annoyed, disrespected or pissed off in general over the last few years, its taken me all this time to realise how much of a c***t ive been to some of you!

thanks for taking the time to read!

love jaF :)